”In a Muslim household, the man of the house is the Ameer (leader). He is a shepherd, who will be held accountable for his flock. He is their leader; he knows them, nurtures them and trains them to be effective members of the Ummah socially emotionally, mentally and most significantly spiritually. ‘
So be responsible for your leadership!
“I have seen several families fighting over the issues of Virasat (inheritance) and Wasiyah (will) after the death of important people from among them. Wouldn’t it be great if people would follow the commandments of Allah in such affairs? There would be no fights if the wealth of the deceased was distributed according to the law of inheritance laid out in Islam. If the deceased left a will explaining each aspect in detail, there would be no dispute over family issues. There would be so much ease in fulfilling the missed obligations, promises and other commitments of the deceased by his surviving family.”
Click here to continue reading, Writing Wasiyah – A Forgotton Sunnah.
The best thing about getting married is partnership, isn’t it? Ask those who are married. Marriage may survive without money but cannot survive without the mutual partnership. Newly married couples enjoy their lives in the most halal way as Allah states in the Quran, هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ, 2:187 they are each other libas (garments), covering each others physically, covering each other faults and helping each other coping up with the external damaging factors, subhanAllah what great wisdom. [1]
Whilst they enjoy, they don’t realize the change they have not only brought in their lives but also in the lives of their parents and home buddies. If we see it from the groom’s perspective, before marriage, he just have to take care of his family and obey the parents. After marriage, he has to take care of his wife as well, keeping in view that she has come to live besides all of his negitive and bad habits, leaving her home and parents, far away.
In such situations, there may arrise conflict between the husband and wife or between the wife and the husband’s family, difference of opinion in doing things. Over kitchen affairs, may be over children, may be over how to handle the home chores, how to arrange and schedule daily tasks, handling the servants etc. In such cases, everyone especially the bride must understand that every home has some ways to work and the norms are pre-defined. One should try to adapt those even if there is some discomfort.
In such circumstances, comes the most important role of the husband. He has to balance between the wife and the mother. Following are some tips and tricks that I have observed through different experiences from my life and from the lives of others:
May Allah make our homes among the gardens of Paradise and make our wives and children the coolness of our eyes.
[1] See Tafsir Ibn e Kathir 2:187 for details
If you are an average looking girl, a boy from your class or neighbour, will appreciate you a lot. The dictionaries of human relations call it ‘flattery’, artifical praise. If the boy is smart in talking he will pass innocent coments with a mishceivious flavour to draw your attention. In the world of cheaters it is called ‘flirting’. Millions of girls across the world , have slipped into these pits and found it difficlut to come out . They discover that those roses were thorns in disguise.
Why should you fall in love? What will you get after exchanging your heart in return of pain?
In seclusion, as well in crowd, you will be living with sighs like a crazy insane. You will feel lonely even in a gathering, just thinking about him. Trodding on such dreamy paths , you rarely reach your dream palace. A Broken heart, a shattered dream, a feeling of betrayal, and self condemnation as an award for your folly await for you.
How many expectaions from him ! How many late nights ! How many long waits poking tireless messages ! It will be too late when you realise that these walls are not of bricks but sands and can crumble even with a puff.
Then one day he will say ” Pardon me ! I will pray for you that you get a better boy than me. You see my Mom is not agreeing to our relations and I cannot disobey my mother because it is a sin ” Your dream castle was made up of sand. It will be like someone has pushed you down into a lonely valley with nobody to share your agony. One day you may discover that he is into another affair. You are replaced by another prettier girl. Now you will look into the mirror and aks your self ” was I really as beautiful as he praised me earlier?” The reply of your mirror will give you an extreme inferiority complex about your looks.
The pain of heart cannot be understood by others around you. No thermometers can give you the temperature nor can any cardiology test can inform the world what pain a broken heart undergoes. When the next spring arrives, it will bring nostalgia and only warm tears, wasting your time, wasting your life in memories of your EX-DEAR.
You may call him ungrateful, untrustworthy and curse him for days but weren’t you ungrateful and untrustworthy when you quitely slipped out with him without your parent’s approval or knowledge, and they kept on thinking that your are extremly modest. Were you not wrong when you secretly messaged him romantic messages and remained busy chatting with him when your poor mother needed you in domestic help?
Dont forget that every one cannot get the Moon but if you observe self restrain then Allah may give you soon. If you love the world for your beloved then you may loose your akhera. But if You love Sabr over sins then it is the promise of Allah that you cherish. The choice is yours.. Remember ” Allah intends easiness upon you, He does not intend to put you into difficulties..( Surah al Baqarah verse 185 )
Nisaar Nadiadwala can be responded at nisaar_yusuf@yahoo.com
Different people have different centres in their life. Some are work-centred. Their top most preference is their work. They would prefer working in the office in case their boss calls them late night, at the cost of pre-planned dinner with their family. Some people are money centred. There dinner with their family, the type of friends they make, the choice of clothes they wear and everything else revolves around money. They would find peace where they would make profit in monitory terms, compromising important relationships. On the contrary, some people are spouse centred. All they care about is their spouse. They seek their spouse for every decision they make in their life while compromising on work, friends and other crucial matters.
Some common centres has been mentioned by Dr. Stephen Covey in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. While reading the names, just try to remember a moment of your life, where you have acted as having any of the following centred. Try if you can recall someone whom you can categorize in any specific centre. Here is the list:
The words are enough to define the consequence of each centre. I am sure you can fit almost every one you know in any one of these centres without doubt. And in no time, you’ll realize the limitation of belonging to any one centre. Money centred would compromise family. Spouse centred would compromise work. Self-centred might compromise both.
When it comes to us, it feels like we don’t belong to any ONE centre, rather we change our centre of influence every now and then according to our circumstances. Sometimes when relationship with family is to be valued, we must leave work or money to give our family a surprise. Or sometimes, when economic conditions of the family are unsatisfactory, long working hours would suffice to provide a sustenance to the overall family. Even the family wouldn’t mind in that case, as they understand the necessity of the situation And sometimes, we have to focus on our own self in order to get the most out of us and leave everything else.
What should we do then? Should we keep on changing our centres according to our situations or should we just stick to one centre and be ready to compromise on other factors?
To know the answer, wait for the next post, “Principle centred people”. COMING SOON 🙂
_________________________________________________________________________________________
The writer majors in Software Engineering and is an amateur blogger and photographer. He may be contacted at www.facebook.com/page.z.imtiaz
Since childhood, we are indoctrinated directly or indirectly, that the only jobs good enough to do are white collar jobs in huge marble floored offices. Unfortunately, there aren’t such jobs for all in my country. A graduating candidate limits one’s search to the ‘luxurious’ jobs and the general attitude is not to earn until and unless one finds a reasonable one.
My friends, colleagues and family members seek to get employed in developed countries like UK, USA, Malysia, Canada and so on. The sad part is, they would work there at any place, do any job. They’ll become a security guard, a worker at a small local resturant, a pub, cleaning dishes in the kitchen, selling things on the streets, so on and so forth.
Why would they do it there in those countries and not in there homeland?
Where did their ego go then?
Is it only money all they want?
Sacrificing there ownselves, their ego, their family (living distant and not coming back for years) and sacrificing their culture and facilities they had back there in their own country? Why? They didn’t have to iron their clothes, nor cook food or laundry or anything else as such when there mothers, sisters and wives did back at home. Why sacrifice so much in the foreign and doing nothing at home?
Why?
My brothers and sisters must understand, its not that we shouldn’t think, aim big and look for an opportunity but we need to be realistic and start working in whatever capacities we have. Not everyone is fortunate enough to get what they want, in this life, for this life. Implementing a small earning plan whether it be a security guard, a dishwasher in a local resturant, selling snacks on a tricycle at a market place, giving part-time coaching for a subject, anything; we must not be shy to earn our livelihood from our own hands, helping ourselves as well as our families.
It won’t hurt, trust me. Instead, it would give us confidence. We earn 10 times less is our homeland, with our families is far better then working in foreign countries without them. I ask myself a question, “What shall be my purpose of life if I can’t come to visit my families on marriages, on deaths, on other moments of life.” After all, money can’t buy happiness.
An old struggling man, having degrees from the best universities of the country, when sells ‘fun snacks’ on a tricycle at a spot in the city’s posh area is happy and contended. He is happy that God has still given him resources to earn his own and his family’s food. He does not regret nor does he looses hope. The fact that he is contended doesn’t stop him think big. He works hard to grow his business from a small tricycle food spot in something big. He is like a bird, sitting near a pond, feeding itself on insects to survive, waiting for the big fish, waiting for the ‘opportunity’.
All great business were never born great. Just don’t underestimate the power of hard work and just livelihood.
In that case, Earn less and be proud.
Your brother,
Zaki Imtiaz
Z.Imtiaz 