Never losing the hope… – By Fareed Ahmed

The arabic word for sadness or grief is “Gham” – derived from the word “Ghaamama (the cloud) ” . Although there`s no apparent relationship between sadness and cloud, however there`s a hidden one. Just like a cloud blocks all the sun-shine coming down to earth, sadness or grief in a way or other also acts as a stumbling block for a man`s positive energy and performance.

It is very natural that when a person is happy and everything is going according to his whims and desires, his own wishful thinking, his performance is at it`s peak, but when he is tested or a calamity strikes him, he becomes pessimistic and isn`t able to give a good performance.
The real test lies in giving a good performance despite being in stress and crisis, despite failing in exams over and over again, despite having a fight with the fellow colleague or losing the beloved ones.

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Never losing the hope….

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Facebook, shaping our lives!

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Facebook has proved itself to be one of best Psychologist. It not only helps you analyze people in our friend lists, but provide detailed account of someone’s life. All of what we like, what we share, what we speak depicts our mentality and our lifestyles. And I am sure, we don’t want everyone to know everything about us. That is the reason there are some things that are private and some public. 

FB has enabled people to come and create a virtual personality, which indeed is a reflection of their actual personality. A virtual world that they want other people to see of them, showing that they are very happy all the time (or very sad in some casese), enjoying (or hating) the life. All those things that YOU want others to know.  

 Once our private life was considered private, FB has facilitated people to show their private pictures, memories, likes, dislikes, places you visit, resturant you dine in, friends you have, hobbies you have, to be shared with all those who are interested and all those who are not. Once you upload anything on FB, it has indeed been made public by yourself and you cannot expect people to not judge you because of that. Everything you do, everything you don’t, does leave an impact on people, so choose wisely. In the real world, we think atleast 10 times before speaking, but in the virtual world we just “share”!

To my experience, FB is the most extensively used, attention seeking tool in this world. You had an icecreamwho cares? You visit that new cafe in town! Who wants to know that? You are listening to some song! Listen, we are not interested. You are sad and alone? Go and sit with your family, you won’t be anymore insha’AllahWallahi, such posts are pretty annoying and I think intelligent people don’t behave like that. Intelligent people should widden their center of influence by working on people around them instead of sharing useless (not all), fake (not all) and annoying things  (not all) on FB, wasting time, making fool of yourself. 

Anyhow, there are always good and bad aspects of everything. We should focus on the good but shouldn’t entirely ignore the bad ones. FB is an extremely powerful tool. Don’t let it shape your lives! Choose wisely!

 

 

19 amazing fatherhood lessons for YOU!

As Muslims we often hear the virtues of being a mother and the benefits that kids bring to them. While discussing it, fatherhood is often ignored and motherhood is what is emphasized. So, I decided to compile a list of some lessons that I’ve learnt of fatherhood that children bring with them. All the fathers-to-be and new fathers will find it beneficial insha’Allah and should try to fill in the necessary gaps proactively for the better future of their children!

So once you’re a father, you’ll find the following things happenings:

  1. Your love for your spouse has deepened
  2. You have to take responsibility of not only your own action but also your family’s
  3. You have to choose baby’s sleep time to get some rest. He is too small to follow your routine
  4. Even if you start following your infant’s sleep cycle, you have to strive hard to get a better sleep 😛
  5. Now you starts feeling older 
  6. You have multiple jobs now. One that is outside your house, earning money for the family, and the other with your cute little angel at home
  7. The unique feeling you get when your baby looks at you and smiles
  8. You realize the hardship that your parents have gone through, skipped sleep, enjoyed cramps in their biceps carrying you at nights for sleep, declining all the fun with friends because they were busy with you.
  9. Time passes too quickly. You angel’s birth feels moments ago
  10. Technically, you have lesser time to spend with you spouse, but quality of that time is increased Alhamdulillah
  11. Most of the time you’re busy in nurturing your kid, either physically, or spiritually by talking to your wife about his upbringing, values and character
  12. You are future oriented. You think proactively
  13. You are planning your child’s schooling according to Islamic values and planning for him to become a Hafiz and Qaari of Al-Furqan (the differentiator between the right and the wrong, another name of Qur’an)
  14. You start seeing life as an opportunity to shape up a human being, to inspire a complete nation (through his progeny) to become Allah’s slave and you and your wife becoming the leaders of Muttaqoon yourself
  15. You find it difficult to manage your relationship with your wife, why because now she has two babies to handle, you and your baby! She’s fragile so handle with care 😉
  16. Your wife loves you even more, for helping her out in the baby chores, makes du’aa for you, and prays for you to stay with him till the end
  17. All your childish, immature and irresponsible behavior is gone. You have to be a DAD now and you need to be responsible. Expect your kid to be exactly like you
  18. You are more concerned about savings now, because living in an expensive era, its important when it comes to good education and Islamic nurturing of your kids
  19. Now you‘re remembering Allah SWT and his commandments more. You have a journey to walk with you family. Your journey back to home, to Jannah!

Alhamdulillah I have found my experience to be life changing. Do you find yours? Please share more lessons with me so that I can learn even more 🙂

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The writer is a software engineer and can be contacted at zakiimtiaz1@gmail.com

Enough reason to believe in…

It was like a gigantic wave of blood, gushing in my aorta when I came close to him for the first time. I couldn’t resist the appeal to hold him close, embrace him against my chest, feel the raw aroma coming out of his body. I was feeling a unique warmth in both of us. It was like a long awaited love. A love that kindled even more when we met each other. His charming face was itself a testimony for every little second of our wait, of our meeting. The touch of his hands was soft enough to melt my own heart as i fell in love with him at that very moment.

The feelings of compassion, security, tranquility, care and tenderness; all amalgamated into a single red colored flower of love, filling the room with its scent. Had any one in this world the power to sneak into my heart, he would certainly see a garden in there.

“SubhanAllah”, “Walhamdulillah” I acclaimed, as I saw my little angel baby boy, Ibrahim.

The birth of Ibrahim had been a real journey for I and my wife. He made us realize that he should be a reason enough for us to believe in the oneness, the ultimate perfection, the power of the creation of One God, Allah, Exalted be He far above from what people associate with Him falsely. Only after becoming a father do I really understand the depth of ayah (verses) of Quran in which Allah explains the matter of creation. The mind wonders on the reality a human being, his ego and his pride when Allah says:

قَالَ لَهُ صَاحِبُهُ وَهُوَ يُحَاوِرُهُ أَكَفَرْتَ بِالَّذِي خَلَقَكَ مِن تُرَابٍ ثُمَّ مِن نُّطْفَةٍ ثُمَّ سَوَّاكَ رَجُلًا

His companion said to him while he was conversing with him, “Have you disbelieved in He who created you from dust and then from a sperm-drop and then proportioned you [as] a man?
Surah Kahf 18:37

‘No, by my Lord, I do not. All praise is for You, I believe in You what You’ve shown me’. In 9 months, Allah showed us all the different stages of a human baby before coming into this matrix, how Allah SWT creates the organs inside the belly of a woman, in many folds, taken care off, given oxygen, food and utmost care from the mother. Despite her weakness, she pours herself in only for her baby. Allah designs the awesome systems of the baby body and bestows intellect inside his grey matter. Do you see, there was nothing but sperms and then Allah fashioned a complete human out of it, subhanAllah. This is the incomparable perfection of Allah, yet man invokes others besides Him.

I could remember the hadith with I heard Ibrahim crying for the first time,

Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger (sallallhu alaihi wassalam) as saying:
No child is born but he is pricked by the Satan and he begins to weep because of the pricking of the Satan except the son of Mary (Eesa AS) and his mother (Maryam AS). Abu Huraira then said: You may recite if you so like (the verse):

” I seek Thy protection for her and her offspring against Satan the accursed” [Ale-Imran: ayah 36] [1]

Invoking Allah in my heart to protect him from the evil whispers of Satan the accursed, and asking Him from His bounties for him, I smiled at my wife, waiting for him to grow up, be a Hafiz and Qaari of Qur’an and become a sadqa e jariya for his parents. Ameen.

The question is whats in there for you in my experience. Well, I’ve learnt a few things and if you choose to benefit, stay tuned for the next artcile, insha’Allah 🙂

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[1] Sahih Muslim 2366 a, http://sunnah.com/muslim/43/191
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The writer is a software engineer and can be contacted at zakiimtiaz1@gmail.com

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Be responsible of your leadership

”In a Muslim household, the man of the house is the Ameer (leader). He is a shepherd, who will be held accountable for his flock. He is their leader; he knows them, nurtures them and trains them to be effective members of the Ummah socially emotionally, mentally and most significantly spiritually. ‘

So be responsible for your leadership!

This morning when I woke up…

This morning when I woke up...

Yesterday was a hectic day for me. I had much headache since morning and the whole time was extremely difficult. My eyes were swelling, my brain was beating with my heart beats. If I could just smack my head in the wall and it eased me, I would have done it. Didn’t want to go to office, but I had to obviously, hoping that it will settle down some time later.

At lunch time I took two tablets of Ponston from my office first aid box, praying to Allah SWT to ease my pain. Praying to Allah SWT that he will forgive my sins due to this pain according to the hadith of Rasullah “A believer does not receive (the trouble) of running a thorn or more than that but Allah elevates him in rank or effaces his sins because of that.” [Aisha RA, Sahih Muslim]

I had an apple and a carrot as lunch sitting in my office balcony, watching kids playing in the City school ground at Johar Town, feeling my pain. I decided I won’t be able to carry on some of my pre-commitments after office so I cancelled them all and decided to go back home as soon as office ends. So did I.

I reached home after buying some grocery and went to my room for a sleep. Though to myself, how will I sleep with this headache but managed somehow to get a little. After a while I woke up due to the irritating chirps of my parrot JJ. Its a beautiful grey cocktail with orange cheeks. We have placed a bulb for heating purposes in its cage as winter is approaching fast, but we discovered that the bulb kept it off from sleep due to light, so we made sure we switch it off at appropriate times so that it can rest properly. I longed for it keep quite but it didn’t. We are pretty used to that at home anyway.

Whats interesting was that a couple of days before JJ finally learnt how to jump from the sofa to our sholder once we show him reeori (Famous pakistani sweet) because it was fond of it. It was funny and yet amazing that how we can tame such birds. Had a wonderful time with it since almost 8 months when it came as a baby birdy.

But anyway, in my sleep, cursing its chirping, I kept on pretending to sleep. The night passed, I woke up in the morning today, took up my usual routine, shower, getting ready for office, and going down for breakfast that my wife prepares in the meantime. I went down and suddenly, my wife told me an extremely sad news that put me in deep sorrow and regret.

“Apko pata he, JJ mar gaya”.

and I was like,

“kia? kaise?”

and she told me that we don’t know it was perfectly fine last night, eating, running here and there, chirping, but in the morning my sister told her that it died. Wallahu aalam was happened to it. I was so shocked. And right then an ayah of the Glorious Quran stuck me like lightning.

هُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ طِينٍ ثُمَّ قَضَىٰ أَجَلًا ۖ وَأَجَلٌ مُسَمًّى عِنْدَهُ ۖ ثُمَّ أَنْتُمْ تَمْتَرُونَ
It is He who created you from clay and then decreed a term and a specified time [known] to Him; then [still] you are in dispute.
Surah Anaam ayah 02

We read tafsir of this ayah that Allah has decreed a time for death for every human being and even every living or non living creature that He has created in this whole universe. He has not only decreed the individual time of death of all but has also decreed the collective time of everything واجل مسمی عندہ for the day of Qayamah when every human being and jin will be gathered in front of Allah for the detailed account spent in years of life span.

It was so unexpected that I could only remember my own death that we would all have to die like this. Allah knows best when is our time written. Allah knows best whether or not we will wake up tomorrow morning. Whether or not we will be able to see our loved ones tomorrow morning like I am unable to see my loveliest parrot JJ. My father took it out of the cage when my sister told him to bury him somewhere when she was leaving for her college. It was definitely sad for all the family as we all loved it very much. May Allah rectify our mistakes, make us true slaves of Allah by understanding true Tawheed from Quran and hadith and make us among the mutaqoon.

May Allah make our paths the correct ones. کہیں ایسا نہ ہو کہ دیر ہو جاءے
Ameen.

Dedicated to my cute little parrot, JJ
(Jadu Junior, inspired by our previous parrot whos name was Jadu)
With love!

Writing Wasiyah – A Forgotton Sunnah

“I have seen several families fighting over the issues of Virasat (inheritance) and Wasiyah (will) after the death of important people from among them. Wouldn’t it be great if people would follow the commandments of Allah in such affairs? There would be no fights if the wealth of the deceased was distributed according to the law of inheritance laid out in Islam. If the deceased left a will explaining each aspect in detail, there would be no dispute over family issues. There would be so much ease in fulfilling the missed obligations, promises and other commitments of the deceased by his surviving family.”


Click here to continue reading, Writing Wasiyah – A Forgotton Sunnah
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Balancing the equation – home chores

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The best thing about getting married is partnership, isn’t it? Ask those who are married. Marriage may survive without money but cannot survive without the mutual partnership. Newly married couples enjoy their lives in the most halal way as Allah states in the Quran,  هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ, 2:187  they are each other libas (garments), covering each others physically, covering each other faults and helping each other coping up with the external damaging factors, subhanAllah what great wisdom. [1]

Whilst they enjoy, they don’t realize the change they have not only brought in their lives but also in the lives of their parents and home buddies. If we see it from the groom’s perspective, before marriage, he just have to take care of his family and obey the parents. After marriage, he has to take care of his wife as well, keeping in view that she has come to live besides all of his negitive and bad habits, leaving her home and parents, far away.

In such situations, there may arrise conflict between the husband and wife or between the wife and the husband’s family, difference of opinion in doing things. Over kitchen affairs, may be over children, may be over how to handle the home chores, how to arrange and schedule daily tasks, handling the servants etc. In such cases, everyone especially the bride must understand that every home has some ways to work and the norms are pre-defined. One should try to adapt those even if there is some discomfort.

In such circumstances, comes the most important role of the husband. He has to balance between the wife and the mother. Following are some tips and tricks that I have observed through different experiences from my life and from the lives of others:

  • Never say no to your parents. Especially if it doesn’t harm your personal life. وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا ۖ  “And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents”. [29:8] 

  • In case of conflict between wife and parents, listen to both sides carefully and analyze who’s right. إِنَّمَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ إِخْوَةٌ فَأَصْلِحُوا بَيْنَ أَخَوَيْكُمْ “The believers are nothing else than brothers (in Islamic religion). So make reconciliation between your brothers” [49:10] 
  • If there happen to be any misunderstandings between the parties, then you’re the man you can really solve them. talk to each party separately and clear the misunderstanding by explaning. they won’t go mad on you insha’Allah. Trust me, they want someone to listen.
  • Love your wife much and unconditionally without scolding her and explain the importance of being good to the your family and its benefits. the Prophet said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” [http://sunnah.com/urn/1262960] 
  • Love you parents unconditionally and lower your wings of humility over them no matter what. They are old now, they have no other choice apart from behaving they way they want to behave. They still love and care for you.  وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا “And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.” [17:24] 
  • Make everyone understand that things shouldn’t be based on the way they are carried out, rather they should be based on results. Let them sit together and decide the outputs of things on which there is a conflict, as long as everyone is agreed upon the output, they do not have to fight on how things get done insha’Allah. [Principle taken from the book 7 Habits of highly effective people] 

  • Forgive them and have no grudges. وَإِن تَعْفُوا وَتَصْفَحُوا وَتَغْفِرُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ But if you pardon (them) and overlook, and forgive (their faults), then verily, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. [64:14]

May Allah make our homes among the gardens of Paradise and make our wives and children the coolness of our eyes.

[1] See Tafsir Ibn e Kathir 2:187 for details

Best traits for children

Best traits for children

Modesty, courage, generosity, intellegence and to distinguish between haram and halal must be most important aspect in the upbringing of our children. Once you fully understand this, you have to do two things!

1. Choose a mother who can teach this!
2. Choose a school that can help them implement these traits in real life!

Afterall, you reap what you sow!