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Question : Assalamualaikum. My daughter is a tall and a broad girl. She is also dark and heavy. It is difficult to get a groom. My relatives insist that she must grow thin and trim herself. She says ” I am as Allah has made me ! ” She refuses to burden herself by under-going starvation. She finds the criticism by her relatives too bitter to digest. Can you please throw some light on it ?
Walaikumus-Salam..The definition of beauty has changed after the advent of fancy dolls like Cinderellas, Barbie Dolls, Film actresses and some critics among our selves. Otherwise before that, a woman was graded on her capacity to run the house. How talented was she in the kitchen. How good is she in building relations with her inlaws etc. Today, she is graded by her shapes and looks, how much she earns and how educated is she ? This is feminism today ! Today’s feminism is more of Masculinity or macho-ism.
I agree with your daughter’s resistance to bow before cultural demands. She is right when she says ” I am as Allah has made me ” It is difficult to shed a few kilos from your body and it is more difficult to keep that lost weight away. It may return back. The problem is not with your daughter but the problem is with your relatives too. Why should they demoralize a young girl who has no fault of her in shaping her looks ? Instead of that, they should rather assure her of good and look for a suitable match for her. An overwhelming majority of girls fall in the category of below average looking girl if you use the the Barbies and Cinderellas as parameter. Should they remain unmarried ?
I tell you, it is difficult to get a good boy even if your daughter is fair tall and slim. The reason ? Then she too will need a boy too rich or high in status and an independent house. The reason? Because there are critics and the advisers around you to assure you of a good boy because your daughter is beautiful! . Marrying your daughter to a rich and a boy with a good status is not enough to guarantee a happiness. Happiness is a life long effort. Fatima the daughter of Prophet (pbuh) was happy with her poor husband Ali r.a. Her hard life made her among those few women whose faith was a complete faith. A girl married to a rich boy can also be unhappy and a girl married to an average earning boy can also be happy. A boy marrying a girl with average looks or below average looks can also be happy and keep her family happy. This does not mean that one should over look the financial position in totto. NO. It is essential to earn halal but do not chase richness too much.
The best option is to empower our girls with a positive attitude towards their looks and shapes and assure them of a happy life and encourage them to be Grateful to Allah for what He has given them. Let them not run in rat race of slim and fairness…
Nisaar Nadiadwala can be responded at nisaar_yusuf@yahoo.com
Z.Imtiaz 