What is the right age to get married?

Disclaimer: The following article is based on my limited knowledge and opinion. I may not be 100% correct. You have the right to disagree and are welcome to present your better understanding insha’Allah 🙂


Today at lunch time, I had a small discussion with two of my friends. An answer to the question, “What is the right age to get married?”

It depends. The time is when a combination of some qualities and some resources are achieved in life. Some achieve them in their early 20’s and some don’t seem to achieve them even in their late 30’s.

For me the most important factors are two:

Maturity and livelihood; themeans to provide for the basic necessities of your family. And both of these terms are ambiguous and require some explanation.

(1) Maturity: I personally think maturity is not just being physically mature, or being able to grow a beard, having all the necessary hormones to get things done. Maturity is a state of mind. A state in which you know the realities of life that it is difficult and not just fun. A state when you are able to differentiate between right and wrong, when you can reason things according to the basic realities and not your own personally created paradigms and myths. It is when you are big enough to create your own principles based on true facts and figures. Verily the most correct way is the way of the Quran.

Allah says in the Quran,

هَٰذَا بَيَانٌ لِّلنَّاسِ وَهُدًى وَمَوْعِظَةٌ لِّلْمُتَّقِينَ

Translation Dr. Muhsin Khan

This (the Quran) is a plain statement for mankind, a guidance and instruction to those who are Al-Muttaqun (the pious – see V.2:2).

[Surah Ale-Imran 3: 138]
(2) Livelihood: The other matter is related to your and your family’s livelihood. One need to have an appropriate amount of income to be able to provide the five basic necessities of one’s partner (In case of men, they are responsible to provide for their families and women are not responsible for livelihood in Islam). They are:
(1) food
(2) clothes
(3) shelter
(4) medicine
(5) education.
If you have a room in your house, you can feed yourself and your wife with two chapaties three times a day, you can provide her enough clothes necessary to be able to cover her satr and some extra for occasions like Eid, Ramadan, Friday, Wedding, when you can take her to the doctor when she is ill and when she knows how to take care of your house and children, you have all the required resources. You don’t need anything else, technically.
Isn’t it simple enough? Why make it complex when it is not? Allah SWT has made the relationship of Nikah (marriage) a Rahmah. Allah SWT says in the Quran in

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

Translation Dr. Muhsin Khan

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.

[ Surah Ar-Rum 30: ayah 21]

هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ ۗ

Translation Dr. Muhsin Khan

They are Libas [i.e. body cover, or screen, or Sakan, (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with her – as in Verse 7:189) Tafsir At-Tabari],for you and you are the same for them.
[Surah Al-baqarah 2: ayah 187]

اللَّهُ لَطِيفٌ بِعِبَادِهِ يَرْزُقُ مَن يَشَاءُ ۖ وَهُوَ الْقَوِيُّ الْعَزِيزُ

Translation Dr. Muhsin Khan

Allah is very Gracious and Kind to His slaves. He gives provisions to whom He wills. And He is the All-Strong, the All-Mighty.

[Surah Ash-Shuraa 42: ayah 19]

Prophetic guidelines with respect to marriage

There are two narrations worth mentioning here. They would suffice to explain what is therein insha’Allah 🙂

What to do when you want to marry?

حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدَانُ، عَنْ أَبِي حَمْزَةَ، عَنِ الأَعْمَشِ، عَنْ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، عَنْ عَلْقَمَةَ، قَالَ بَيْنَا أَنَا أَمْشِي، مَعَ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ فَقَالَ كُنَّا مَعَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ ‏ “‏ مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ، فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ، فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ ‏”‏‏.‏

Narrated ‘Alqama:

While I was walking with `Abdullah he said, “We were in the company of the Prophet and he said, ‘He who can afford to marry should marry, because it will help him refrain from looking at other women, and save his private parts from committing illegal sexual relation; and he who cannot afford to marry is advised to fast, as fasting will diminish his sexual power.”

How will you know who is the right person for you?
حَدَّثَنَا زُهَيْرُ بْنُ حَرْبٍ، وَمُحَمَّدُ بْنُ الْمُثَنَّى، وَعُبَيْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، قَالُوا حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، بْنُ سَعِيدٍ عَنْ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ، أَخْبَرَنِي سَعِيدُ بْنُ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ “‏ تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لأَرْبَعٍ لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَلِجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ ‏”‏ ‏.

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying:

A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust.
May Allah make ease for all the unmarried brothers in their marriage.

 رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

Your brother in Islam,
Zaki Imtiaz

_________________________________________________________________________________________

The writer majors in Software Engineering and is an amateur blogger and photographer. He may be contacted at zakiimtiaz1@gmail.com.

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